The scarriest thing about defending is the not knowing. Comps get talked about all the time, from the moment you start the program. The defense, though, is only mentioned in passing. Where comps are dissected, the defense barely has a scratch on it.

So, in order to demystify things for future SLIS students, following is the play-by-play (minus everyday things like eating, sleeping, talking to friends and family, checking email and blog feeds, going to work, doing a class assignment, etc.):

Day 1: Received an email from Maggie*, notifying me that one essay had not been assessed as passing. She included a copy of the question and attached my response, and later called me to set up the appointment for the defense.

We talked for a few minutes about what I could expect, but here’s the thing: I asked. There are things Maggie can’t tell you (such as who exactly will be on your committee), but she’ll tell you what she can.

I spent most of the day alternating between shock-induced numbness and feeling like I’d been kicked in the gut.

Day 2: Printed out essay and question. Reread essay and realized that it was seriously lacking. It was like reading a rough draft: no real thesis statement; a couple of ideas needed to be expanded; one point was implied but never explicitly stated.

Despite knowing what was wrong with the essay — and I should say here that if you can’t evaluate your own writing this way, either take it to your advisor or the writing center for help — I was worried that maybe they hadn’t liked the idea as a whole, so I spent some time doing research. I ran several searches in the usual databases (Library Literature, LISTA, etc.) but also did some searching in del.icio.us. Lots of libfolk use del.icio.us, and I seem to have better luck finding relevant blog posts there than in any of the blog-specific search engines.

Oh, and I should also mention that if you’re defending, you do not get comments on your essay from the grading committee.

Made plans to meet with my study partner, and saw Doc Martens’ post on comps 2.0.

Day 3: Read. Articles and blog posts, mostly, but I also went back through the textbooks since my question was on the future of libraries, and many of them have a chapter on just that subject.

Reread Doc Martens’ post.

Day 4: Met with my study partner, then went to the library to get a book mentioned in one of the articles. Browsed the stacks and found several more with pertinent chapters or sections. Also chatted with another student who was defending (it helps to remember that you’re not the only one going through this!).

Reread Doc Martens’ post.

Day 5:Read the books and a few more articles, then worked on figuring out exactly what I wanted to say. For me, this came down to clarifying and expanding upon what I’d already written. Wrote key words and phrases on a notecard**, which I then studied off and on for the rest of the day.

Made a mess of my bedroom, trying to decide what to wear.

Reread Doc Martens’ post.

Day of defense: Reviewed notecard several times throughout the morning, but mostly just piddled around.

Arrived at OU 45 minutes prior to appointment, dressed professionally. Chatted with Maggie. Tried not to pace. Finally camped out on the big maroon couch/chair/bench thingy, as instructed.

Joy of joys! SLISter Jenny happened by and kept me company for the last ten minutes leading up to the defense. It was entirely serendipitous and perfect as we had a nice chat about her new GA job, which kept my mind off the impending event.

Dr. Brown came out to fetch me, which is when I learned that the defense is a double-blind. Not only did I not know who was on my committee, but they had only my essay, and not my name. Also, I’d assumed that it was one committee that handled all the defenses, but they were each different.

I gave my spiel (twice loosing my mental place, but Dr. Brown let me glance at her copy of my essay to get back on track) and they asked five questions, some of which were multi-parters. It wasn’t so much like being grilled as it was like an interesting, though slightly one-sided, conversation.

And that was it. Ten minutes later Maggie let me know I’d passed.

It’s one of those situations where it’s impossible not to be anxious and nervous, and it’s a little scary just because there’s relatively little time to prepare. Except. You already are prepared. Just don’t forget it.

*Maggie, for those not lucky enough to know her, is the amazingly patient and kind woman who is the power behind the throne. She’s the one who tells you when you’ve been accepted to SLIS, gets you into that closed class you just have to have, and generally makes sure that everything runs as it should.

**I don’t plan out my talks word-for-word, for two reasons: 1) it’s too much to memorize, especially on short notice or in stressful situations, and 2) what I do remember always comes out stilted and false. Instead, by planning the concepts to cover and their order, I end up with an outline in my head that enables me to both keep on track and not sound like a reciting robot.